More Lent Thoughts

Last week we had an assignment to make amends with an old friend. In the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous it is suggested that after taking an inventory that we make amends to persons we have harmed. This has always been a hard step for me. I have not completed my step work many times because of this particular step. It's hard to admit to someone that you have been wrong.

It really didn't take me long to think of someone. To some people it would have seemed silly and maybe not even worth mentioning but I have been thinking about it for a while. I knew that I was wrong when I took the action but it took me a while to figure out why I had done it. This particular amends was about me wanting someone else to be different--me wanting someone else to change--me thinking that my way was better. I was being judgmental. And in a very, sneaky, nasty kind of way I tried to make them not do what they wanted to do-a kind of peer pressure.

So the point is, I didn't want to make the amends. I tried halfheartedly tried to contact this person. Yes, I used the phone. She lives in another state so I didn't have much choice. She called me back and I wasn't available. So in a few days I called her back. My friend did not remember the circumstance but was very gracious in accepting the apology. She also said some nice things in return. It was a relief.

I don't have to carry this around any longer and I can have a cleaner relationship with my friend. Now when I see her again it won't be so strained. Thank God for forgiveness and mercy and grace. I would be a shadow of the person I am had it not been for God sending His Son to die on the cross for me and to take away my sins. Thank you Lord!

Fasting during Daylight hours

This was actually our directive for Wednesday, February 29th which happened to be Leap Day! We were to fast during the daylight hours. I was assigned the task of writing about it for our community group which meant I had to do it. Yikes!

I have a lot of issues around food and my body so I was feeling quite apprehensive about this task. So apprehensive in fact that I completely missed that there was scripture tied in with the fasting-Isaiah 48. I kept thinking about it and I guess God was trying to get me to look at my calendar. I was so focused and dare I say obsessed with my self that I wasn't focused on God. I missed the important part--the word of God. Bummer!

The fast itself was actually fairly simple. It kind of felt like the easier, softer fast since it was only for the daylight hours but since it was my first fast I guess I should be grateful. I ate breakfast in the dark (not literally) so I then only had to wait until about 7pm to eat dinner. I started feeling hungry at about 11:30am and I think Satan was up to his tricks. I was feeling a little weird so I prayed to God to be with me and I felt fine after that. Whenever I started thinking about food I would pray and the sensations eased.

What was also difficult for me was the starting to eat again. I didn't feel very hungry until I started eating. I was also concerned at what I was putting into my mouth and how would my body accept it. The scary part was the feelings I had after I started eating. I wanted to keep eating even though I knew I should have been full and satisfied and that reminded me of my eating disorders--especially the bingeing after depriving myself. I didn't over do it though and I physically felt fine after and did not have to berate myself for overdoing it.

All in all, the fasting was a good experience for me. I learned that I could be hungry and still be okay. I learned that not eating for 12 hours wouldn't kill me. And I also learned that "I can do all things with Christ Jesus who strengthenths me" Philippians 4:13. Last but not the very least at all, I learned to trust Jesus more and fear less. I actually have been relying on that since then.

Trust Jesus more, Fear everything less.