Gratitude. I have been told many times by my sponsor in AA to make a gratitude list.  Sometimes I follow direction and do it; other times I don't but that's another blog post;)

I believe there have been many reasons I have been asked to do a gratitude list. One is to get me back into the present moment--back to reality. Another is to help me to see that what I do have is more than enough especially when I am feeling self pity. Maybe another reason is to see that God is taking care of me, always has and always will.  In any case, an "attitude of gratitude" is a great tool in to use for any type of recovery.

Sometimes a sponsee will say to me, I don't feel very grateful.  Well, at this stage I will suggest that they "fake it til they make it" meaning just do it anyway! There are always things to be grateful for. People to be grateful for. Even if it's just a few.  At some point I was told to list 10 items and I know that at times in my recovery I had a hard time coming up with that many. Self pity has been a character defect that I have battled with for a long time and I think for me that has been why I have had a hard time making gratitude lists.

So here is my basic gratitude list.
I am grateful for:   a cool (or warm or dry) house to live in
                            a working, safe car to drive
                            my husband
                            my children
                            my mother
                            my husband's parents
                            my God
                            my church
                            my church friends
                            AA
                            my AA friends
                           
Look at that!  11!
Old gratitude lists included:
                           this day
                           my cats
                           the sunshine
                           warm weather
                           my health
                           the kids taking naps
                           quiet time

You get the idea. Take some of mine. Write anything but do it.  Make a start. It will help. Fake it. Fake it until you actually start to feel grateful. Plus if you keep your lists, it's a great way to track your recovery.

Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Psalm 69:30

I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving.

Oh my gosh!  It's been almost a year and a half since I posted anything.  I have let my fears get the best of me.  I had a friend call me just yesterday and tell me a bout something she had just read.  It was about fear.  It said something like that if fear knocked at the door and faith answered that fear had no way of entering. I need to have faith that if God is leading me to do this and because of that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13.

So I want to write but to tell the truth I get a little overwhelmed with the details especially how often to write. I want to be consistent but I also want (have) to have a balance.  I have kids at home to teach, a house to run, errands to do, volunteering commitments to follow through on and kids to transport.  I feel like I should blog every day (for some reason) and when I don't I get discouraged. It's a dilemma.

Plus I am in a debate with myself about even publishing this because I haven't written in so long.  I feel shame, guilt, pressure, stress and fear.  I want to be responsible and write regularly but God knows I am not disciplined so he's going to have to discipline me--be careful what I ask for, huh?!  But am I going to let fear rule my life? You know what fear stands for, don't you?  False Evidence Appearing Real. Forget Everything And Run. Or am I going to Face Everything (fear) And Recover?

I can ask God to remove my fear and turn my attention elsewhere.  I can ask God to remove my fear and help someone else.  I can give God my fear because he tells me not to fear. "Fear not for I shall redeem you. I have summoned you by name; you are mine." Isaiah 43:1.  "Do not be afraid." Luke 2:10.

Fear.

What will your choice be?