Gratitude List

 Be grateful for the good things that the Lord your God has given you and your family Deut. 26:11a (GNT)

I have heard it said that being grateful is magic. You can change your life by being thankful for all that you have. Miraculous things can happen when you look at your life in a different light. Counting your blessings is a way to make things happen in your life. Okay, that last one may just be what I hope can happen. No matter what it can’t hurt to change your perspective and thank God for all that we have.

I am grateful for:                     A:  Austin-it’s beauty, the weather, the thriving economy

                                                B: Birds-I love to watch them come to our bird feeder

                                                C: Church-Riverbend has been our home for 17 years now

                                                D: Dance and the lessons it has taught all of us

                                                E: the Earth-pulling weeds and digging in the dirt is fun!

                                                F: Family-Steve, Grace, Claire, Henry and our extended family

                                                G: God’s grace-He gives me more than I deserve

                                                H: Health-mine and my families’

                                                I: Insights-Awareness is half the battle

                                                J: Jesus Christ, who died on the cross to take away my sins

                                                K: Kissing my people ;)

                                                L: Laughter especially belly laughs

                                                M: Music-especially singing and worshipping with others

                                                N: Natural remedies-I have cured lots of ailments with tea tree & vinegar

                                                O: Olive Oil-It’s essential since I don’t eat corn, soy or peanut

                                                P: People-church people, ballet people, program people, employers, etc

                                                Q: Quiet time-I love early mornings before the patter of “little” feet

                                                R: Rain-we always need it here in Texas

                                                S: Sunshine!! I love the light and warmth

                                                T: Twelve Step programs-they saved my life and continue to help me live

                                                U: Uncomfortable situation so I can grow and lean into God

                                                V: Verses-memorized ones that come to mind in times of need

                                                W: Windows to look through and see all of God’s creations

                                                X: eXercise-especially swimming! I am a fish!

                                                Y: Years of sobriety and recovery

                                                Z: AmaZing love! God’s love is never-ending, never-failing and always forgiving

Wow! Actually, this turned out to be fairly easy and fun. Here’s a tip-don’t feel like you have to be grateful for the thing all the time. Like sometimes I’m not grateful for rain- especially when we’re supposed to have a pool party. I hope you will try this exercise in expressing thanks to God for all that you have. No matter what, there are things to be grateful for. Let me know how it was for you. Feel free to share it with me. I want to know what you’re grateful for.

Lessons I learned from our trip to Chicago

In my last post I told the story of our trip to Chicago. The trip where my 3 kids and I ended up having an experience that was not what we were expecting. However I do see God’s hand prints all over it. And I’m grateful for that. I’d much rather be in gratitude than bitter and angry- which would be easy to indulge in. So not only can I see God’s will prevailing, I can see where I had lots of opportunities to grow and stretch.

1. I can be a grown up! I made decisions and took care of my children. This is a huge step for me as I usually don’t make a decision and by putting it off I have no choice left.

2. I can face people and speak my truth when I know it’s not what the other person wants to hear. I have courage!

3. I can ask for help. It was surprisingly easy. I just needed to be vulnerable and lose my pride.

4. Prayer is ALWAYS helpful. I did a lot of praying on this trip. A friend of mine even prayed with me on the phone. That was awesome!

5. God works all things together for good for all involved. *see my last post

6. Sometimes it takes God a while to answer prayers. Of course time is a relative thing especially to God. But I usually like the answer now or yesterday.

7. Sometimes all you can do is the next right thing. Give your problem to God and then go on with your day. We can’t stop living while we are waiting.

8. I can wait on the Lord even though it might leave you in uncertainty. Yes, I can wait and it was stressful but it didn’t kill me.

9. I am flexible. I can adapt to CHANGE! Who knew?!

10. I can be a leader and be an example of faith. For my kid’s sake, I had to “act as if” I had faith and be positive that things were going to work out.

11. I can ask for what I need even if it’s uncomfortable. Pushing through the discomfort, I had to ask pointed, straight forward questions.

12. Pretending I have courage actually gives me courage. Amazing how this works.

13. Trusting my kids with God is good for me AND for the kids. The kids see that I believe God is protecting them and therefore hopefully they believe it. I get to see that God is protecting my kids and therefore I believe it more.

I could list so much more. I could also list some areas where I could have been different. I let the stress get to me sometimes and acted inappropriately. I had my times of unbelief and fear. I could have taken care of myself more. I’m going to forgive myself as God already has. I am so grateful, yes I said grateful, to have had this experience and learned these lessons. God is good! 

Mark 9:23-24 New King James Version (NKJV)

23 Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.”24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”

God’s Will Not Mine

This summer I had plans. I had plans for how things would go, what we would do and what it would look like. My plans. I can say this in retrospect. I can see how they were my plans and not necessarily God’s plans. I formed my plans out of the goodness of my heart but they were still my plans. This is an account of what it was like, what happened and what it is like now.

Two of my children are ballet dancers and in the ballet world dancers are expected to attend a summer intensive every year. This shows you are serious about your dancing. These intensives give the dancers a chance to study somewhere other than their home studio. They learn different dance styles and get to hang out all day with other like minded people. The dancers audition for these intensives in January and commit by March. My children both auditioned for the Ballet Chicago program and got accepted. God provided (through Ballet Chicago’s generosity) a scholarship for both to attend at a discounted rate. God also provided (through a friend of a friend) a place for us to stay in Chicago for free! In the meantime my oldest decided she wanted to go visit relatives in upstate New York. So we got her a ticket to travel from Chicago. My plans were coming along. God had opened doors.

So the kids and I packed up my in-laws vehicle and made the 19 hour trek to Chicago. We were excited to see the skyline as we drove in bumper to bumper traffic. We arrived at the place we were staying. After unloading and grabbing a bite to eat we returned to our place. It was then that it all sunk in and we realized we could not stay there. We would not be able to live comfortably there for 6 weeks. I could go into details but it’s not necessary. For the good of the 4 of us it wasn’t going to work. At that point, my plans started to unravel.

God then provided (through the generosity of a friend) 2 nights in a hotel. God worked it so that unbeknownst to me that it was about 3 blocks away from the ballet studio.  The kids and I discussed our predicament. We decided we would just do the next right thing. God provided that our hotel was in the heart of the theater district so we enjoyed the day walking around the city. I had done what I could with emails and phone calls. My husband was working on finding us a place to stay through the internet. We just had to wait on the Lord’s prompting.

And then an answer to prayer came. A friend had found out about our situation through another friend. She had a friend that lived in a suburb of Chicago that we could stay with for 5 nights. God provided again!! We were able to stay for a week of the program at least. Our host was amazing! We were blessed by her generosity. This obviously was not my plan. My plan was shattered in many pieces like the many tears that had been shed. But God is faithful.

So the kids started the program.  My 17 year old and I shopped, washed clothes, and visited colleges while still searching for a place but reality sunk in that we couldn’t afford to stay. But God wasn’t finished revealing His big plan for us. God provided (again through the generosity of Ballet Chicago) for Claire to stay in the dorm for a nominal fee. God provided (through the generosity of Grandpa and Grandma) the finances for us to pay for her to stay. So our oldest went on to the relatives a little early, our middle child stayed in Chicago and my youngest and I returned home.

God worked it all out. God provided (through others in many cases) for all of us. I realized during this process that my fears which caused me to make these plans-my plans-were not God’s plan. God’s plan was for Claire to go to Ballet Chicago but not for me or for Henry to stay in Chicago. She wanted to be in the dorms but I was too afraid and my ego was too involved. But I also realized that in order for all of this to work out we had to go through all of it. Claire is happy to have this experience. Henry is happy to be at our home studio but grateful for the week at Ballet Chicago.  I am overwhelmed with gratitude to all of these people God used to provide for us. God is good…all the time!

Jeremiah 29:11 New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Romans 8:28 New International Version (NIV)

²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[a] have been called according to his purpose.

Did I Just Say That?

Have you ever found yourself thinking…I shouldn’t do this? Or worse yet, I shouldn’t say this. And yet WE DO act or say the exact thing we know we shouldn’t do!!! This happens to me on a regular basis. What should we or could we do about this? Wow! Isn’t that the million dollar question!

So why do we, I should really speak for myself, I continue to go through this? What makes me ignore the voice and take action in to my own hands? Have I not learned from my mistakes in the past? How has this been working for me?

Well, to be honest, whenever I don’t listen to that nudging it usually ends poorly. In most cases, the other person gets mad or I feel uncomfortable about what I said. And I regret having said it. And then quickly after the regret comes guilt and shame.  And then I wonder why I didn’t listen or just pause or say something, anything, else.

Our pastor did a sermon a couple months ago on why is so easy to do the wrong thing. For me, sometimes I just want to be bad. I just WANT to say it, whatever it is. Why is that? Maybe for the adrenaline rush. Maybe because I’m tired. Maybe I’m not in a good space at the moment. Maybe I have a resentment festering.

It’s hard to be good sometimes. It’s hard to choose the right path. It’s hard to listen to that small, still voice when the other voices seem so loud. My ego gets involved and I start getting all full of myself. I feel justified in saying what I said or acting the way I did. I am right. I know better. I judge you and think you need to know how crazy I think you’re being. When in reality, it is me who is the crazy one. Ugh.

What is the answer or answers? This involves a lot of discussion. One thing that I think might help is practicing ignoring or saying no to the voices. Maybe if I get into the habit of choosing the small, still voice it will become stronger and louder. Or I will become stronger.

Another thing is ridding myself of resentment. If I keep my side of the street clean then I won’t be so apt to lash out in anger…at the wrong person! When I am full of unresolved anger, it has a tendency to spew out at anyone who happens to wrong me. In reality even a little bit of anger can cloud my judgment. It can color my thoughts. Anger, or even irritation, can make me do things I wouldn’t normally do. Talk with a friend, admit your part and apologize. Even if it seems like you have no part—you do, trust me.

Acceptance always seems to help in any situation. In an excerpt from the book Alcoholics Anonymous, it says “…Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation… unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in this God’s world by mistake.” If I can accept what’s going on then I don’t feel like I have to interfere.

One more thing that may be helpful is detaching from the situation. For me that means stepping back and keeping out. Minding my own business. Letting other people live their own lives. Staying inside my own hula hoop. When I start thinking I know what’s best for someone else I am asking for trouble. Especially if I give my opinion when they didn’t ask for it.

The biggest answer for me to this dilemma of saying or acting inappropriately is to pause. Really just stop and ask myself, “Is this any of my business? Do I need to get involved?” AND!!! To pray!!! That small still voice IS God, you know. So if we heed it, we are listening and doing God’s will. If I take the time to pray, then maybe I will come to realize that God has it all covered anyway. He doesn’t need me to try to control things (people mostly). He wants me to obey his promptings so that I can be the person he intended me to be-loving, kind, patient. God loves you and wants what’s best for you. According to Jeremiah 29:11, and I paraphrase; The Lord has plans for you, plans to give you hope and a future; to prosper you and not to harm you. Rest in this. God’s got it!

Money Can't Buy It!!!

Money Can’t Buy It by Annie Lennox

Have you ever heard this song by Annie Lennox? It’s off her CD entitled Diva. It had been a long time but I listened to it the other day. I was impressed by the words. You can listen to it on Spotify. It’s really good loud!  Usually I listen to Chrisitian music but stored in my brain are songs from my past;) It has a surprisingly good message. See what you think…

“Money can’t buy it, sex can’t buy it, drugs can’t buy it, you can’t buy it.” Wow! You might be thinking, buy what? But as I listened to it I thought of that hole inside of our hearts that we try to fill up. As an addict I have tried to fill it with all kinds of things-alcohol, food, shopping (things), relationships, activities, etc and the list goes on.

 “I believe that love alone might do these things for you.” So here might be the solution. But before you get ahead of me…I once had a very wise Bible teacher who repeated over and over that God is love. So that is what I am choosing to believe is the meaning here. Not a love relationship with a human being but a love relationship with God. God loves me and he loves you. He wants us to have a relationship with him! That hole has His name on it!

”All the money in the world can’t buy peace of mind.” This is a tough one for me. I think that if I had more money I could get this or I could do this or I wouldn’t have this problem or I’d be happier or things would be different. Maybe things would be different but I wouldn’t be different. Everywhere I went there I would be. What’s that saying?-Happiness is an inside job.

”You can have it all but you still won’t be satisfied.” It has been pointed out that even if we had more it would never be enough. Would I be satisfied? It appears that no matter what most times I am not satisfied. I want more. More Christmas decorations, more clothes, more shoes, more eating out, more opportunities for the kids, MORE.

”I believe in love alone.” BUT…we can be satisfied in Christ. He is always enough. He can fill our heart. He can fill our soul. He can take away that hole in my heart because He loves me. He loves me with an unfailing love. He is love. Period. To quote another song-“All we need is Love”! Indeed!

My hope for me and my family and for you is that we all realize that the answer is always more of God. The answer to all my longings is God. When we turn to God in times of desire to ask “Is this your will for me?” and we listen, God will answer. When we ask ourselves “Is this decision based on Love or fear?”, we will know the answer. Then we can know the peace that passes all understanding.

Philippians 4:7

King James Version (KJV)

⁷ And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Psalm 13:5

New International Version (NIV)

⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.

FOOD!

So, for the last 5 months my family and I have been on an adventure regarding the food we eat. Inspired by the desire to help our kids, we embarked on a journey hoping to get some answers to some nagging questions.

We started by eliminating possible allergens.
      No:   sugar, eggs, dairy, wheat (gluten), soy, citrus, apples, peanuts (a few of us went off all nuts), chocolate, tomatoes, corn, legumes (we did eat green beans), yeast, gums, all foods ending in "ite" and "ate"
             
You might ask, "What did you eat?". Well, a lot of rice, potatoes, oats, fruit and vegetables. Our regular lunch was sunflower seed butter and rice cakes!  It was quite difficult--just ask the kids!  You would be amazed (I know I was) at what is in the food we eat and the supposedly healthy food we eat. Sugar is salad dressing, lunch meat, bread, bacon, etc. And soy, wow!  Soy is in cereal, rice mixes, marinades, granola bars and of course, Asian food! The first month we never ate out.

I was THRILLED! This was supposed to be about the kids but I was OVERJOYED!  I have never felt better! Or at least for a very long time.  And originally I was quite nervous.  You see, I was diagnosed almost 25 years ago as having Irritable Bowel Syndrome.  I battled with horribly painful spasms in my stomach and serious issues with bowels. If I ate a salad like a chef's salad, I would be in the bathroom before we finished doing the dishes. If I ate something like chili, same thing.

But by eliminating all the possible allergens I was not having any cramping or spasms or pain.  I was actually having regular bowel movements--I know TMI! But it was true. More honesty here--I had been praying to God about my stomach issues and been telling him that I would be happy if only I would have daily bowel movements.  That is how desperate I was.

The next step was to tryout, one at a time, the foods we had eliminated. A difficult process because you try it one day and then wait 3 more days to see how it interacts with your system. With some items I knew within a half an hour. With others it took several hours up to days. My oldest has had the hardest time of the kids--no more dairy, egg, almonds, or peanuts for her. The middle child keeps denying any problems. My son has no issues (just like his dad) except what we already knew-he gets eczema from eating too much soy products. I still have many foods to try.  I don't want to mess with a good thing. I have not been feeling as great these days. It's hard to eat limited foods for 5 months.  BUT, I would not trade this for the world.  My quality of life is so much better.  And all because I became willing to do something different.

Thank you God for willingness.  Thank you God for the mercy. Thank you God for the awareness.

Gratitude. I have been told many times by my sponsor in AA to make a gratitude list.  Sometimes I follow direction and do it; other times I don't but that's another blog post;)

I believe there have been many reasons I have been asked to do a gratitude list. One is to get me back into the present moment--back to reality. Another is to help me to see that what I do have is more than enough especially when I am feeling self pity. Maybe another reason is to see that God is taking care of me, always has and always will.  In any case, an "attitude of gratitude" is a great tool in to use for any type of recovery.

Sometimes a sponsee will say to me, I don't feel very grateful.  Well, at this stage I will suggest that they "fake it til they make it" meaning just do it anyway! There are always things to be grateful for. People to be grateful for. Even if it's just a few.  At some point I was told to list 10 items and I know that at times in my recovery I had a hard time coming up with that many. Self pity has been a character defect that I have battled with for a long time and I think for me that has been why I have had a hard time making gratitude lists.

So here is my basic gratitude list.
I am grateful for:   a cool (or warm or dry) house to live in
                            a working, safe car to drive
                            my husband
                            my children
                            my mother
                            my husband's parents
                            my God
                            my church
                            my church friends
                            AA
                            my AA friends
                           
Look at that!  11!
Old gratitude lists included:
                           this day
                           my cats
                           the sunshine
                           warm weather
                           my health
                           the kids taking naps
                           quiet time

You get the idea. Take some of mine. Write anything but do it.  Make a start. It will help. Fake it. Fake it until you actually start to feel grateful. Plus if you keep your lists, it's a great way to track your recovery.

Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Psalm 69:30

I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving.